Calm - A Super power

I live around an hour's drive away from work, and was driving back after a long day of work. Another driver taking a rash turn, nicked my car, causing a deep scratch on the front bumper.

I was late for work by 15 mins, and was having breakfast hurriedly. Aaron my three year old son, who was playing right beside me at the dining table, spilled his hot milk on my shirt.

I was preparing for a very important meeting with the leadership team at work, and one of my team members who was helping me prepare the content, has failed to share his part on time.

The Ironing guy burnt one of the shirts, the cab guy cancelled, exam results were bad, much prepared interview was postponed, dinner at a restaurant was particularly bad and so on. Im sure we would have faced more than one of the above situations. And most of the above situations have happened for no fault of ours. Yes, this is life.

As they say, life is a roller coaster ride. And sometimes, the crests and troughs of life are as small as the above situations. Life keeps throwing situations like these at us, (and also situations much bigger and much worse than these); and life is what happens when we react to these situations. As the famous saying goes, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react". 

Let us think about how we react to these situations. We get angry or even furious, we shout on the person at fault, we loose our mind on thinking what is wrong with these people, and finally getting upset over these and losing few hours or few days. A lot of times, this anger or these reactions, have a lot of impact on people around us. Not all people react in this way; we might have seen few people react to most of the above situations in a calm and composed way. For a moment, let us understand that there is no correct reaction to the above situations; people can and do react in their own ways.

However, I always felt that people who react in calm way are the ones that loose very little in any situation. Yes, we loose or win with every reaction; and the cost always may not be monetary. On most occasions, people who react in a calm way, also are the ones who take better and informed decisions. They are also the ones who do not cascade the reaction from one situation to people around them. This post is about how can one practice being calm. How can one develop the superpower to stay calm. I believe that the ability to react in calm way to life, is developed through our own personal experiences. However, I also believe that they can be learned, like any other life skill. These 5 simple points are from my experience only, and has helped me stay calm on numerous occasions. And definitely, one need not be a sage or zen, to have this superpower.

Accept that life is not going to be a smooth ride. Life is not meant to be a smooth ride. Why not? Because our lives are interconnected with so many people, so many things, and any disturbance in any of the variables involved, leads to an impact on our lives. There are always going to be things which are out of control, and they only way we reduce the impact on our lives is identifying them and reducing the impact of them going wrong. For Example: If I have an important meeting at 9:30AM at work, keeping a 15 min buffer time for any unexpected traffic jams (even if google maps doesn't show), always helps. 

It's not always someone's fault. When we are faced with any of the above situations, a lot of times the first reaction is to assume that it is someone's fault. It's not always the case. There are things which happen because of no one's mistake, but because of a combination of factors. For Example: The guy who nicked my car, may not have done it intentionally (yes it's possible). This also helps us in thinking about how could we have done better; which is always the best way of looking at things. 

Listen. A lot of times, we do not listen to understand, but listen to respond. When we are trying to decode a bad situation, let's stay in business, a common mistake is making assumptions about why it happened or whose fault it is. Listening well to understand the actual course of events is very very important. Listening, though highly under-rated, is an important skill, which helps us in numerous ways. 

Share right feedback, in the right way. Always believe that people will improve, if the right feedback is given, in the right way. If we are able to find out that someone has actually screwed up, please communicate specific feedback on areas where they could have done well. If they need help to improve on those areas, offer to support them. I always follow one simple rule while sharing feedback, appreciate in public and reprimand in private. After all, improvement of people around you helps you avoid this situation again, and hence you win from putting all of this effort.

Be solution focussed, always. This is the last rule, but the most important. Being solution focussed in every situation helps us react in the best way possible, and also helps us resolve issues faster. The solution in some cases could be just getting out of the situation, or in some cases could be a financial settlement with another party, or in some cases a negotiated agreement. Always have the solution in mind, the solution which resolves the situation, in a favourable way for all parties, and pursue this at all times. 

(All the scenarios mentioned above are only fictional. Luckily!)

A Leader

I have heard multiple times about the difference between a manager and a leader. I have also seen numerous books on Leadership, Developing leadership abilities. But Who is a leader? How do we become a good leader. There cannot be a single answer or a common formula to answer this question. In this blog, I will try to answer these two questions, from my experience.

My stint as a manager / team leader started in 2012, in Kolkata. I was in Airtel then, and handling a Direct sales agency, selling high speed internet connections. Looking back at the stint now, I think I did terribly, both in sales and also in team management. After an year in Kolkata, I moved to Bhubaneswar where I led Airtel's m commerce platform, for 8 districts of Odisha. This was my first stint where I handled a geographically distributed team. After 15 months of this, I moved to Vijayawada, where I led Airtel's brand retail, for the state of AP. These stints in Bhubaneswar and Vijayawada, where I was part of highly competitive business environment, leading high performing teams, gave me great learnings in team building, management and helped me with my pursuit to become a leader.

Who is a leader. According to me, anyone who is able to lead his team, or a set of people, in one, focussed direction, is a leader. The length of the definition in no way depicts the complexities involved in this. If we take the CEO of a company, for him to be a leader as per the above definition, firstly, he/she has to define what the direction is. Then aligning the entire organisation, mainly, their immediate team, defines whether they make a leader or not. Now, after defining the direction or roadmap, identifying aligning everyones professional and personal goals, to this direction, on a periodic basis, make the leadership abilities of the CEO. Even for this, there are various skills that play a role in determining the success of the above exercises; which is precisely my statement, that the definition of a leader is not as simple as it sounds.

What are some of the major leadership traits? Now this is a difficult question. As the saying goes, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. The leadership traits are majorly defined by the expectations of the team, which are not constant. In spite of this, I have learned that there are few simple traits, if displayed, can take one a long way in their role as a leader. Please find some of them, below.

1. Lead from the front

This one goes without saying, definitely. Be it discipline, sales, customer service, discipline, or even punctuality, if you want to see it in your team, lead as an example. Lead from the front in any unusual crisis or situation, irrespective of it being major or minor.

2. Build Roadmaps, show direction

We all love leaders who show us grand visions. Be it Modi, Trump or Steve Jobs. We all love a great grand future. Building roadmaps for your team, and highlighting what their role is in it, helps them not only understand the roadmap of the company or team, but also helps them plan their work/objectives. This exercise also helps leaders track their own performance and also teams, basis the objectives set as part of the roadmap.

3. Take new initiatives

Teams love leaders who take new initiatives. In business as in life, we expect perpetual improvement in anything we undertake. And this improvement is not going to happen by doing the same tasks again and again. Teams appreciate leaders who solve problems with new initiatives (major/minor). This also gives the team a sense of excitement in undertaking something new, which is out of their daily routine.

These are from my experience of the last 8 years, and have helped me during my various roles, in different companies. Are these enough - Definitely not. Many of the skills that are required to display leadership traits, are also learned through learnings from our experiences. For Ex: I have worked in six different states, and have lived in 8 different states so far. And I strongly believe that this has helped me to understand and appreciate various cultures, helped me to learn to work well with diverse teams. Similarly, there can be many many experiences from life, which help us to build important traits, which eventually help in the pursuit to become a leader.

Inspiration is Everywhere

As they say, Inspiration is everywhere, you just have to look. We have our favourite stars, we have our favourite characters, and we have our favourite movies and shows. Out of these there are always a few, to which we get so connected, we wish they were real. In this post, share a list of characters from my favourite TV shows, who have inspired me in many ways. As all of them showcase both good and also some bad in the shows, I also tried to mention what is it that I admire the most in them.

Dr Gregory House. He is the lead character in the Television series House MD, played by Hugh Laurie. Dr House stands for pragmatism. He is practical and objective in ways which we cannot imagine. He has very few friends, and struggles with people, because of this. But, he also excels at his work, and this pragmatism and objectivity, is one of the definite reasons. I remember this episode from Season 3, where he treats a heart disease in a 6 month old foetus by performing an open heart surgery. While the episode may be fictional, and the course of treatment may be completely different in real life, his approach towards a situation which is very very complex, inspires me. His quotes from time to time, are real words of wisdom. "Time changes everything. Thats what people say, it's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were", Dr House in his own words.

Walter White. This is a character which needs no introduction. Also called as Heisenberg in the show, Walter White is a character of the disputably the best TV show ever, Breaking Bad. Walter White stands for grit. The perseverance shown by the character, in all circumstances, is awe inspiring. Being in the drug business, while surrounded by people who are lost in every way, his discipline, sheer grit, makes him standout. His story also conveys, take the exit when you can. In his own words, "You don't have to wait your whole life to do something unique".

Harvey Specter. He is the lead character in the popular show, Suits, played by Gabriel Macht. Harvey Specter stands for confidence. In the show, he is a very successful Corporate lawyer in New York, and is the youngest Senior Partner in one of the largest Law firms. He is a flamboyant and charming character, who gets his way in any situation. But beneath all this glamour, he subtly shows the reason for his confidence. This is discipline, hard work and preparation. On many occasions in the show, the story reveals that he comes from a normal background, but has built his way up with these qualities. In his own words "Its what you do in the dark that puts you in the light".

Frank Underwood. The name sends shivers down the spine, in the popular series 'House of Cards'. The role is played by Kevin Spacey, and has delivered an unforgettable performance. His character stands for Winning, no matter what. Beg, borrow or steal, but win. Though the character has a negative undertone through out, his hunger to win, ability to create opportunities for himself, is inspirational. Those moments where he looks into the camera and talks directly to the audience, are just priceless. "Shake with your right hand, but hold a rock with your left", in his own words.

Tyrion Lannister. The name needs no introduction. Though not the Hero character of Game of Thrones, he is one of the most powerful (in a way that is not obvious), and one of the most unforgettable characters of Game of Thrones. He stands for Intelligence. His intelligence, added with wit, are the only qualities of him that take him places. His intelligence helps him understand the world better, and also understand people; specially coming from a family where no one understands what people want. He definitely was not born the smartest, but the intelligence was developed with extensive reading, travel, as the show reveals. In Season 2, Tyrion slaps the King of the seven kingdoms, Joffrey, when he tries to humiliate Sansa in the throne room; this incident clearly shows that he understands people, and also stands for them. Some of quotes are worth living by, like the one "A mind needs books, like a sword needs a whetstone".

Learnings from my son

"While trying to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

I stumbled on this quote 2-3 years ago, when I was trying to find the right quote while sharing a post on Aaron. Every time I read this, I wonder how true it is.

Aaron was born just over three years ago, and every stage of his last three years, was a wonder. We waited for nine months to see him (or her, then), wondering how he would look like, what his voice would sound like, and so on; and here he is. What a joy it was holding him in our hands, a life nurtured and brought into this world by us. Every moment from then, was us reinventing our world, for Aaron. Our work, our home, our travel, our lifestyle, our friends, everything.. had to be reinvented or redesigned.

Aaron was a pure joy since the day he was born. His doctor called him a 'Happy Baby', when he was just 3 months old, and rightly so. Kids are born with an immaculate mind. All their fears, habits, actions, are developed with their interactions with us and the world. Their actions through the first few years, actually show us how a person can actually be. And yes, I had a lot to learn from Aaron. In this post, I try and capture the top 4 things I learned from my son, Aaron.

Infinite Energy. Aaron and most children his age possess infinite energy; their stamina is sometimes unbelievable. Aaron wakes up from his afternoon nap around 5PM, and he sits hardly for one hour, till he sleeps around 10 PM. He plays, cycles, jumps, reads, without ever getting tired.

No hard feelings, always. The phrase stands for itself. Kids have such innocent minds, that gives them the ability to take anything or anyone only in the positive way. Even when we discipline him for any naughty act, it is sometimes so refreshing to see his ability to bounce back to his normal self, within minutes.

Observe and learn. Everything and everyone are role models, really. Aaron learns from TV, parents, uncles, aunts, just everyone. He learns words, acts, habits, songs and what not. Just the ability to observe and learn is admirable.

Determination and Perseverance. I can really move mountains if I have a tenth of the determination that Aaron shows. His determination to do things, if if they are naughty, is just breath taking. I think it is this determination that makes learning so easy for them.

It is indeed sad to see some of these amazing qualities slowly decline through teenage or in the twenties. I believe that these qualities are the primary reason kids are mostly happy. I promise myself to do everything possible, to keep these qualities alive in Aaron.

My Attempt to Rebound

I still remember the time I started this blog. It was almost ten years ago, June of 2010, in my hostel room in Lucknow. I remember the pride when I wrote my 5th blog, 'When nights started turning into day'. The joy when people read and actually appreciated my writing; and yes I was told a few times that they in fact looked forward to my next one.

Ten years on, the world is not the same, and definitely not the same for me. Im living in my fourth city after Lucknow, and working in fourth company after campus. I also now have a beautiful wife and an amazing son, who have become my world. Though I felt the itching to write a few times, I could not gather the courage nor time to do so. And so when I opened the blog editor today, I actually realised that my last post was more than 4 years ago.

This is my attempt to rebound. And this is also when Im changing my blog url to scribblesofsol.blogspot.com from ethereal-joy.blogspot.com.

What's your footprint?

The word foot print reminds us all of the one famous foot print, left on the moon by Buzz Aldrin. Yes, it is of Buzz Aldrin's not Neil Armstrong. Neil Armstrong was the first one to set foot on the moon ("That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind"). But the photo of the foot print left on the moon was that of Buzz Aldrin, the second man to set foot on the moon. The photo was taken by Buzz himself. Footprints are the impressions or images left behind by a person walking or running. Hoof prints and paw prints are those left by animals with hooves or paws rather than feet, while "shoe prints" is the specific term for prints made by shoes. The print left behind at a crime scene can give vital evidence to the perpetrator of the crime. This makes me remember the picture of  of the detective movies where we see the detectives following the foot prints with a magnifying glass. In our daily lives, we all leave foot prints on our path. And unfortunately, these are not just the impressions of our shoes on the path we walk. So what are these? Similarly, to measure our carbon emissions is the factor - carbon footprint (we understand that carbon forms the integral part of all emissions and the major cause for air pollution). 


In this twenty first century world, through our daily activities, we all leave our foot prints in this world. We leave our foot prints on the environment, the water and the ecology as a whole. What is this foot print? Let me explain with a small example. I'll take a paper cup, which we use for coffee/water at our offices everyday. The water foot print of it is the total water used by the cup during its making, usage and recycling of the paper cup. And its actually about 5 litres. In fact, it is said that an average human being uses the amount of water that can fill an Olympic sized swimming pool per year (Yes its huge!!). On the same lines, the impact our daily activities have on the ecology, environment and carbon emissions are called the ecology foot print, environment foot print and the carbon foot print. Does the Govt understand this? Does the corporates measure these? Yes, they do. Remember those lines on few bottles of pepsi or coke, which say they are water positive. That means they are giving back more water to the world than they use in making their products.To understand my second point, lets go back to the per capita human water foot print. Where does so much water come from? The water we use is partly from the ground water table, and some from the rivers/lakes around us. So the entire activity is impacting the ecology that we depend on. So here come the concepts of environmental footprint and the ecological foot print. 

Im not competent to write in detail on these topics, or tell people how to reduce this. Then why am I writing this. Im writing this to make people aware that every activity that we do, leaves a foot print on this earth, in so many ways. If we put together the foot print of 7 billion people, and their activities, it has a deep impact on this world and the future generations. Let us all understand this and be aware that every activity of ours is leaving a deep foot print in this world. I feel, the more we understand this and the more we read about this, we become sensitive to the realities that these factors put before us.

But we have many government organisations and compliances taking care of these? Yes.Don't we have the climate change conference pact and the Kyoto protocol? Yes.Are they enough? Yes, may be. Then why be afraid? I'm not afraid but Im just sceptic because I don't see any improvement signs around me, yet. I may be sounding old school. I don't know if climate is really changing, but I can see the changes around me. In Bangalore, this February is the hottest in the last ten years. There are no rains in rainy seasons, but unbearable amount of rains during the storms. India, once a huge exporter of wheat, finds it hard today to sustain its own people with the amount of wheat produced today. 

How can we help? I don't know. Our two cents could be the age old principle - "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle". The image speaks for itself.

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The Indian Electorate - An Aam Aadmi's view

The first elections in free India happened in 1951-52. The Indian National Congress won a landslide victory, winning in 365 of the 489 constituencies. We came a long way since then. Elections in India were sometimes dramatic too. NTR, a famous actor, swept the elections in AP in the early 80s within an year of launching his party. Chiranjeevi, the megastar of AP film industry, has lost badly after launching his party. Narendra Modi swept the 2014 elections with a campaign similar to the US Presidential election campaigns. (PS: Many of the examples in this post may be from AP, but relevant to the Indian scenario)

The electorate changed too; along with them changed their expectations from a government or a political party. We have come a long way from the times when roti, kapda and makan were the major things promised in a manifesto. In this blogpost, I write about how the expections of an aam aadmi have changed from a government. These are purely my thoughts or sometimes even perceptions.

1. Employment / Growth: I feel this is the biggest change, positively, in the electorate. The need for employment and the activities driving employment is a necessity across the country. Thanks to the media, people now understand basic macro economic terms like GDP, inflation, deficit, growth etc. Their relevance has increased even more after 2008-09 recession and the long period of heavy inflation. So when Rahulk Gandhi promised empowerment, it raised more question marks.

2. Infrastructure: We need infrastructure. Be it cities/towns, railways, roads, electricity, irrigation etc. The urge to live in a developed India has been strenthened even more by our movies which time and again are filmed in foreign locations. Narendra Modi's smart cities, bullet trains hit the bulls eye among the electorate.

3. Results / Numbers: We need results. We are now indifferent to the 5 year plans, Vision 2020s, 1 years agendas etc. We need results, and quickly. This could be anything from launching a satellite, building a dam, nuclear power plant, new trains.. anything. We need something to see.

4. Freebies, not mandatory: The recent victory of Narendra Modi shows that we can win in India without offering free roti, kapda aur makaan. This has been the strategy for many political parties in countless elections. However, people now want avenues to earn their meal. I cannot completely rule out this strategy, however it has changed substantially in many of the states. 

5. Finally, a government which can speak: The previous government(s) have left many unanswered questions raised by the people and media. It is true that Manmohan Singh did only 3 press conferences in his entire term of the UPA 2 government. We need a more vocal prime minister, who can talk to us, address our issues, answer our questions. We need a government which does not hide behind the pillars of the parliament.

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