Happiness

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Can we measure life?

Can we measure life? What is a good life or what is bad? Can we rate life by the number of years a person lived? Or by the money he/she made? Or the number of educational degrees? Or the number of companies he started or the job he was in? Or the number of people he helped and the donations made? Or by the faith he had? Or is life completely meaningless? (Except when you are a Hitler or a Gandhi). I liked the way Morgan Freeman said in some movie, "You measure your life by the people measure their lives by you".

This weird question has been lingering in my mind for the past few days. One of the reasons I can think of is the kind of movies I have been watching lately, like 'The bucket list'. The second reason was my visit to the Chateau of Versailles where the Kings of France lived until the French revolution in 1789. And also, I believe any post of mine reflects my current mood (however hard I try to hide!). I am still not sure of the things I want to convey with this blog, so kindly bear with me.

Coming back to the topic, any type of search with strings like 'good life' or 'measuring life' or 'life' always yield at least a few results on 'how to make life successful'. One of these searches popped out the following interpretation of success, which I think is never taught anymore. Ralph Waldo Emerson defined success with these words: "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded."

So what is a good life. One of the most common philosophies of life we observe these days is the 'life is a celebration' or 'the only chance to enjoy' philosophy. Work hard, party harder is the new mantra. A close friend of mine, who is absolutely happy with this philosophy, said that he is not going to change his lifestyle unless he is forced to. Yeah its true too. Why change if we are happy. I am not complaining but it still does not answer my question. Though these things are commonly seen these days, unfortunately, things like these are not taught in any schools. Few weeks back, a professor of ours had narrated a small story while ending his course. Though the story does not answer the question, it beautifully summarizes many issues in life.

"One day, an old professor of the School of Public Management in France, was invited to lecture on the topic of “Efficient Time Management” in front of a group of 15 executive managers representing the largest, most successful companies in America. The lecture was one in a series of 5 lectures conducted in one day, and the old professor was given 1 hour to lecture. Standing in front of this group of elite managers, who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth, the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, “we are going to conduct an experiment”.

From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him. Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar. He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar. Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” The managers replied, “Yes”. The professor paused for a moment, and replied, “Really?”

Once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles. Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom. Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, “Is the jar full?” At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions. One replied, “Apparently not!”

“Correct”, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles. Yet again, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, “NO!”

“Correct”, replied the professor. And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, “What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?”

With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager quickly replied, “We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks”. “No”, replied the professor. The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is: If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.

The auditorium fell silent, as every manager processed the significance of the professor’s words in their entirety. The old professor continued, “What are the large stones in your life? Health? Family? Friends? Your goals? Doing what you love? Fighting for a Cause? Taking time for yourself?” What we must remember is that it is most important to include the lager stones in our lives, because if we don’t do so, we are likely to miss out on life altogether. If we give priority to the smaller things in life (pebbles & sand), our lives will be filled up with less important things, leaving little or no time for the things in our lives that are most important to us. Because of this, never forget to ask yourself, What are the Large Stones in your Life? And once you identify them, be sure to put them first in your “Jar of Life”. With a warm wave of his hand, the professor bid farewell to the managers, and slowly walked out of the room. Take care of the large stones first – the things that REALLY matter. Set your priorities. The rest are just pebbles and sand. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there will be no room left for the stones. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, you will never have room for things that are truly most important."


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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Quarter Life Crisis

Here you are, in your mid-20s - the best time of your life, at least that's what everyone says. Your 'I am independent' claim now has the legal stamp of economics; the college campus lingers in nostalgia; 'work hard, party harder' is the new mantra. But the euphoria is evaporating. The adrenaline rush leaves a hangover that seems impossible to shake off. Disillusionment looms large with a million-dollar question: What next? Welcome. You have just been hit by the quarter-life crisis. The transition from college to the real world sets the stage for the quarter-life crisis, hitting those in their early and mid-20s. Work, independence, new responsibilities, relationships hankering for "long-term commitment" and "meaningful" layers, all add to an anxiety not known until now. The phrase ‘quarter-life crisis’ gained currency in the West in 2001, when two twenty-somethings made a fortune writing on their peer’s crises in "Quarter life Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in your Twenties". This has become an unrecognized epidemic, sweeping an entire generation reared on an array of choices and rising expectations.

Oh yea! Everybody goes through this phase; some face this crisis for long and some for short phases. I recently read a post which goes like this, "At 27, Atul has the life dreams are made of: an MBA from a top management institute, out-of-turn raises every few months, whirlwind world tours on work and a stunner for his arm candy at corporate dos. Three job switches in the last nine months have landed this finance whiz in a top managerial position. But lately, he has been fighting gnawing self-doubts. “I make big bucks, but have no time to spend them. I don’t feel driven to achieve anything anymore… Should I have chosen another profession?” says the alpha achiever, who is also beginning to question his four-year-old relationship." Unfortunately the messages like these are increasing, its just that we don't always observe these in the bracket of quarter life crisis.

The statistics are startling. At any point of time, around one third of the population in the age group 18 - 28 suffer from this crisis. And though I could not get any statistics relevant to India, I definitely think that this number is much large, at least close to 60%. As part of international student exchange program, I am currently studying at a B School in France. When I talk to students here who are studying economics and come to B school, who leave engineering and come to B school; I could not stop myself from asking "whats the plan?", "what next?", may be owing to our system which mostly works on plans. I am amazed to find that no body here has a plan as such. They are studying here because they feel its good. The people here are not looking for easy money or good jobs and they are not afraid to live on little money and temporary jobs. People here are not scared of the future which sometimes pity the systems back home. Of course people here enjoy many privileges like small population, no or very less competition etc.; and in contrast the huge and ever increasing population in India, meagerly growing industrial opportunities, demanding education sector etc. might all become the reasons.

You are a software engineer, just out of college, living in a nice cool apartment with a peaceful white collar job. There is QLC here too, to switch jobs, not getting the deserved credit, give CAT or GMAT etc. In students, QLC is common in students of the best of B schools to students of a normal engineering college in a remote place. It is unfortunate that there is QLC in students as young as 7 - 8th standard which is being exploited by IIT coaching centres and intermediate colleges. QLC about relationships is more common too; some express it, some dont, but it is there.

“This crisis is a product of our times. Young people want to jump from one ladder to another, exhausting their goals very early on. They then begin to question everything about their lives.”, says Dr Amit Sen, a psychiatrist who sees children and young adults. The 20s are bringing with them a “nervous self-awareness,” says a 30-year-old lecturer at a leading DU college. “Students now indulge in a lot of self-questioning, which isn’t philosophical like -- ‘What’s my purpose in life’ — but, ‘Oh god, are my friends going to do better in life than me?’” Psychologist NK Chadha, head of DU’s department of adult, continuing education and extension, says, “Students choose careers depending on what pays more, and end up paying with their peace of mind.”

So my dear friends, you are not alone. Everyone around you is also going through the same confusion, anxiety and internal suffering. After all, there is no rule that there should be an answer to every "why"...


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